Welcome to Playoff Beards 2010! (c)

First thing's first: the Cavs are not a basketball team. The Cavs are metaphysical warriors, on a mission to carry a single rubber sphere 94 feet to its ineffable destiny:

A stationary loop of metal with a fishnet hanging from it.

So, in support of our Titans of Dribble, that's what we're going to do--more or less.

Welcome to Playoff Beards 2010! (c), your ONLY destination to watch a couple of dudes from Youngstown, Ohio, grow Playoff Beards (c).

Who are these dudes? I'm glad I asked. I first met Beardzilla and Beard-a-Tron panhandling in Ocean City. So I really don't know much about them.

My day job.

What I do know, is that these dudes are metaphysical warriors, on a mission to...well, they're on a mission to...not entirely sure. But goddamn it, they're going to succeed in doing whatever it is that is. Down with shaving, until the Cavs win the pennant!

Above, LeBron winning pennant.

Let me level for a minute. I don't know much about basketball. I'm not entirely sure why everone keeps running back and forth across the screen, and I have even less of an idea why they keep bouncing the ball, when it would be much easier to just tuck it into the crook of their arm and flail about wildly to ward off defenders.

Why am I writing? It's simple. I'm being paid in FREE GOLD.

Yours,

Philip Brightmore